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Sunlight through the windows August 13, 2009

Posted by Dengke in My Life.
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I woke up today, surprisingly early at 8.45. The sake I had drunk last night made me sleep like a log and I wasn’t tired at all.

I walked into the living room, and the sunlight shone through the windows making the day seem so warm.

I looked outside and up at the sky, it was so clear and so blue.

Back inside I went to grab brekkie and saw a picture my brother drew.

It was a person, under a rainbow. Drawn with a rainbow pencil.

Life was so simple when we were kids.

I smiled.

The day was beautiful, and my world was all good.


Let’s drink sake August 12, 2009

Posted by Dengke in Depressed.
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I realize I have no close friends, and I think of this as I open my last can of sake I’d saved up from Japan.

I feel a bit down, so I think I should drink sake. Sake makes things better, sake brings me back to Japan.

I savored the drink for a minute, and let the cool liquid flow down my throat and warm me up. It was nice at the start, but now, halfway through the 180ml can,  it’s getting all bitter. I didn’t expect to drink so much as I have already. I guess I might as well drink the rest. I’m feeling the effects already though: I feel a little wobbly, and my eyes feel funny – but then again, maybe that’s because of my lack of sleep. If it is the alcohol though, then I’m pretty weak – it’s only 15% alcohol after all.

I continue to drink, 3/4 of the way down. (more…)

Blurry Photos July 3, 2009

Posted by Dengke in friends, Japan, My Life, Retrospect, Uncategorized.
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It’s been over a month since Aya’s grandarents sent us the photos from back in Japan, so tonight I was looking through some that I could print off and send to them as well.

In the folder where I rarely looked, were the photos that brought back a rush of memories and feelings.  As if by time warp, the starry night swirled, and I was transported back to the places that I’ve been, breathing in the atmosphere that I’ve seen.

And I was back. In front of the Yaki-pan nightstall at Asakusa Tera. Bright lights dazzled my eyes. I blinked, slightly disorientated.

Asakusa Night Stalls

I snapped this photo of the night restaurants as we left the food stall area, knowing it'd become I good memory.

In my hands were a packet of the Yaki-pan (which is what I call it now, since I’m not even sure of it’s actual name). At the time I think we bough it, half because we thought the girl working at the stall was cute. (more…)

Re: Girls are stupid June 26, 2009

Posted by Dengke in めちゃ めちゃ むかつく, Minor amusements, My Life.
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girls are stupid facebook

amber{rose} says:
boys are stupid
Dengke says:
no girls are >_>
*no, girls are >_>
amber{rose} says:
no, boys are
Dengke says:
girls, obviously >_>
amber{rose} says:
hrm okay, what makes you say that
Dengke says:
they just are

day says:
dont say that!!!1
we would only be able to chose from men gross
Dengke says:
loll. thats true at least ._.

Doug says:
you’re an idiot
without girls, how would you come  smile
Dengke says:
oh =_=

Girls are stupid. Wish none existed in this world >_> June 26, 2009

Posted by Dengke in めちゃ めちゃ むかつく, My Life.
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<_< What the title says.

Nara, Japan June 4, 2009

Posted by Dengke in Japan, My Life, Retrospect.
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A few days ago I received a letter from Aa-chan an Ojii-chan from Japan. It contained a letter along with photos from when we visited Nara together.

This was from when I visited Japan together with Alex and Tim at the start of this year.

Aa-chan was our host grandma. We called her Aa-chan because she insisted us not call her Obaa-chan. Ojii-chan is Ojii-chan, he was our host grandpa.

Nara was one of the most beautiful places that I have ever seen. The sky was such a deep blue that you felt like you could just embrace it. It felt like if you dropped a rock into the sky, you would see it ripple like in a still spring. It was so open, with nothing to get in its way. There were a few mountains, but they were low and unobtrusive. There were trees, but they did not clutter up the scenery at all. They just fit in.

There were deer in the park, and we fed them biscuits. In fact, we got chased half way down the road because the deer wanted more. One followed us all the way in to the temple, so we had to run back to try and lead it out. Lots of little kids had little deer pully toys, and I enjoyed watching them tottering ahead and pulling them along.

The three at Nara 2

These photo really surprised me. Looking at us from another perspective – one that I could never have seen before if Aa-chan or Ojii-chan had not taken it – is that we look like we are having alot of fun. Everything’s just simple, three guys together, on a trip, enjoying themselves.

The three at Nara

Despite other things, perhaps we did have fun.

Deserted university June 3, 2009

Posted by Dengke in My Life, Surrealism.
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I went to uni to study again today. The sky was gray, and the campus was deserted except for the few people in the study area at the library. Going for lunch in the lunch area, there were more people, but it was still sparse, not like it was on uni days, where if you were not careful, people would squash you around.. People barely filled up the seats. I found a place to sit, close to the public TV, and ate by myself. A corny American soap droning on in the back ground. Then I left thinking of nothing in particular. Back through the almost empty campus and lawns, but for a couple sitting on one of the benches.

It felt like the university was a world in itself. An invisible sphere surrounding the buildings, seperating the outside with the inside. And that world seemed to be just a tad bit lonely.

Awkward about my life June 2, 2009

Posted by Dengke in My Life.
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Now where should I start?

I’ve always wanted to blog, but I wondered why every time I try, it never works out.Why can’t I just write like the others?

Sitting on the tram today, after isolating myself at home in front of the computer for the past four days, I realize it’s not because I have nothing to write about, but it’s that my life is full of things that are too confusing or complicated, that I’d be too embarrassed to let anyone (except a few, and sometimes not even them) know. Because I’m one that cares what others think. But just keeping things in my mind only serves to confuse myself more, so I’m scribbling this in the back of one of my exercise books as I continue sitting on the tram.

It was good this past year so far – well, relative to previous years. I’ve kept myself as busy as possible, so that things keep simple – rather, it doesn’t give myself a chance to think too much. I go to uni, I study; I see friends, we talk; I check out girls on the tram, they look right past me; but everything’s fine. None of that emo crap I used to get because of an awkward social situation (I get nervous sometimes and I stuff up), or because a friend declined an invite, or someone didn’t reply my sms or msn. I used to be insecure – far too insecure. I’d always think that I’m the one who’s done something wrong. I’d put myself down, and call myself names in my head, not realizing that ate away at my self confidence. But, it’s getting better now.

Two facts I hold in my head to keep myself stable:

  1. people can hate you for no reason
  2. you might as well do something you want, even if you have the chance of being embarrassed. Like talk to that cute girl sitting just over there…

The former is like an “it’s not me” – ‘It’s not always me that wrong right?’ and the latter stops me at being angry at myself for my missed chances. This way, I can say “meh” if something goes wrong, and keep going along with my life, and it stops me from falling in to a rut. Doing nothing means nothing would change.

But still my life is full of dodgy things. Things that your grandma would disapprove of/ faint at, and although I won’t put them up in this post, I’ll get to them eventually. I might just feel better if I did.